Empty. Alone.

He's there. But he's not exactly there. I hate that I can sense that something had changed. Avoiding him hurt something inside me. But talking to him makes the pain spread even worst. Knowing that things won't just be the same anymore. This is stupid. I miss the old you. I miss us. Please let me go back to those memories, to us. Please. *chokes

You asked what hurt the most?
Because he has changed.
And I'm still living in the same dream, holding on tightly to his shadow.

you probably can sensed that I have feeling for you from the moment we both talk about our possibilities that night. but how can you become so cruel to me? the way you treated has been even worst than giving me hope. you always make me forget that there's someone else. but when reality knocked over my head, it never fail to drown me everytime. it's funny that even in my dream you have the capability to hurt me. you didn't know that, don't you?*scoffs That just make everything even worse darling. the sweetness of being with you could last just for a second now. then it'll be replace with hurtful reality. everything about you just make me hurt even more. to talk with you, to hold your hand, to take care of you, to miss you, to love you. don't you know, that somehow you've become a thorn inside me? well, you're that clueless person.

Last night's wedding. I just don't feel, uh good for them. First time though feeling like this for wedding. They do make a cute couple. All the tuxedo, petite bride's white dress, and the wedding in garden concept. They, in fact make me felt jealous of them. Maybe it just me but the groom kept making a straight face. He seems not to care about his wedding making the bride looks like she enjoys it by herself. Making their way for the special dinner, I can see the bride intertwined closely her finger with the groom's but the groom didn't fully grasp her hands. Maybe it just me who felt it. But then I thought of someone. A girl that my aunt told us. One girl that happened falling hard for him. Loving him so much that she hurt badly. My heart suddenly hurt. It just that I can feel the girl's feeling for the night. Someone she loved had become someone else'. Excruciating in pain? I don't know, but it definitely something not nice to feel. It's weird actually that until now I felt my heart clenching. Maybe this is the reason why I don't really felt good last night. They indeed celebrating their happiness over someone's sufferness.
Anyway, even though the wedding itself seems rush to be held, I just want my cousin happy with his new life. The things earlier, I might just imagining it. You two maybe deeply in love with each other. So, congratulations cousin! ;)   

가시연

Ah, my heart hurting so much. The love was beyond great that totally suffocate me. Awesome author is awesome. Really. I don't think that crazy love does actually exist. But if it did, it was totally sick, I'm telling you. Stunningly beautiful but sick. Ugh, my poor heart. Every chapters were twisted enough to make me high in the sweetness of love and then drown in the bitterness in a split seconds! Ah, my feels.

Bought his first solo album with my very first salary on my birthday month

Well, it suppose to be on my birthday but since I received my salary a bit late and I've to wait for his album to restock *torture*. But anyway, I just collected it today! Oh and on Friday. (I've things with Friday actually) Of course I'm super duper excited and being immature and jumpy and all goofy, as someone said. It's Kim Jae Joong we're talking about, okay! *stares*
Anyway, I'm loving every single thing in his album. Good thing I can read in hangul. I can sing along with his precious voice from the awesome booklet! LOL.

I'm totally in my fangirling mode. Please excuse my odd and ridiculous behavior tonight. At least until I'm down from my high of having highly dose of the drug.

woke up this morning to his beautiful voice. hehe

Happy 27th Birthday Kim Jae Joong.

Stay healthy and keep being an angel.

and, iloveyou.

SPM DAH HABIS!

Haha, I can't even scream those words after my last paper because some of my friends are still not SPM-free. Tomorrow they'll be. Well, some of them. Time surely flies fast, eh? 9 days of suffering end in a blink of eye. How am doing in those horrendous days? That, I'll never talk about. Hey but you know what this mean? I can throw away my books, burn my uniform, rip off my notes oh and break up with Mr P and Mr AM. They surely torture me in both physically and mentally. LOL. This feeling. My dad kept telling me he can't believe I've finished high school. It felt like just yesterday he sent me to kindergarten. lol. Just my dad being emotional and dramatic on my last day wearing school uniform. I wonder if that thought still applied when I'm getting married later? Haa, you'll never know.

Watched Gossip Girl 6 and cursing when will the next episode will be coming out. Downloaded a lot of drama but still didn't get any mood to watch it. Later maybe. I need an outing. For like a month or so, I didn't go out. Like seriously. I need to do shopping or go out for movies. Anything. Like I said before, my life is bored as fuck. 

Oh btw, just before the exam my handphone was having its own mental breakdown, again which is not cool at all. All, I mean all of my contact number is missing! So, for my friends, it you come across this post or my blog, just text me please. I need to restore your number. Well, majority of you didn't know this blog existence, I'm sorry for not being in touch with you. I'll try to find another way to contact you though. I'm so sorry on behalf of my handphone. Remind me to get a brand new one.

Well now I need to get my beauty sleep, or not. Let see.